Random Writings

[Pyra]

This is the first part of something I plan (though probably won't) to do. Honestly I'm just looking for an outside opinion to see if it scans ok, if the rhymes work and if it makes sense etc. So critism more than welcome.

As rain was falling from the sky.   
David knew why he was here.
Today an enemy would die,
With not a chance to even fear.   
His umbrella would be a shroud.
And in it’s tip he hid his spear.
So he pushed through the crowd.
Until his target he could see.
A crack was heard, it echoed loud.
And from the tip, his spear was free.
The senator screamed his last cry.
David left, all else would flee.
He left his target there to die
As rain poured down, from the sky.

[Yates Aeon]

I think it's very intriguing. Yes, that's the word I'll use. It does make sense and the rhymes work well. But two tiny points I think would make it better? Maybe change the second spear to something else, like blade? I know it would be hard considering it' is a polearm not a sword but still. not too important...
The last line? I think it should be exactly the same as the first. I think it would give that extra little poetic spice to it, do you understand?

I'm not the most poetic person in the world sure, but I hope that I have helped in some small way. Either way, it's a nice little project you've got going there. ^_^

[Phoenix Taichou]

I normally don't "get" poetry, but I'm trying to appreciate it more. What Yates said about the first line being the last is a rather sound idea though.

[Pyra]

My love it doth flow like a river of mucus.
When I try to express this I always mess up.
This makes me feel like the modern George Lucus.
When asked "Do you love me?" why won't you say "Yup".

My soul it doth cry like the keen of a banshee.
You broke my heart like egg shells underfoot.
This all hurts more than a fall from a great tree.
Why don't you love me? I'd heard you're a slut.

[Phoenix Taichou]

XD awesome

[Pyra]

Some stuff I was talking to Pho about when drunk.

Christmas time

Food. Family. Nice Food.
Much to see.
Games, Getting gifts, decorating.
Gifts! Getting games, see.
To much food.
Nice family food.



Hope's Sestina

Sleeping you wait for yourself to dream.
But what are dreams if there is no hope.
And secretly you know the truth.
Nothing comes of life excepting death.
So should one just wait for the end?
Why bother with a pointless fight?

People they do nothing but they fight.
And drity upon what others dream.
You make each others sorrow never end.
You are each others end of hope.
That is why you prey for your own death.
So lie and try to hide away this truth.

How can you live now you know this truth.
Knowing all you ever do is fight.
Indirectly all you cause is death.
What right have you to try and dream?
You heartless hateful killer of hope.
You'll be at your best when your at your end.

But what will happen at your very end.
You'll see your life filtered through utter truth.
And you will know the reason for your hope.
And you will have a reason for you to fight.
But ne'er again be able to dream.
Because you already faced your death.

So listen well before you face your death.
You should know not to fear the end.
But sleep softly and oftern dream.
And worry not about the truth.
Remembering who you should and should not fight.
And give to those who need it your hope.

Because you only live when you have hope.
And that's the best way to fend off death.
To stay alive you always need to fight.
But not with others only 'gainst the end.
And help all others find this truth.
Life is only worth it while you dream.

So maybe there is truth in what we dream.
And in the end this is why we fight.
So no-one wastes their hope on theIr own death.